As I watched this movie the other day I started thinking about all the people that I desperately want to erase from my life. Then to be fair I tried to shorten my list...saved those spots for the ones that were truly awful and really messed me up. Kind of like Rob's top 5 all time worst break-ups from High Fidelity...because after everything is said and done it's the ex-boyfriends, or almost boyfriends that seem to cause the most damage to a girl. I was actually able to narrow my list down to two. Yup, 27 years old and there are really only two that have really messed me up.
There are two people that I want to erase from my life, and actually I could narrow that list down to one. I wonder if it's really true that everything happens for a reason and everyone comes through your life for a reason, sometimes I really doubt it. I can think of no value that this person added to my life. All I can think of are the wounds that he left.
He damaged me more than any other person or event in my life and left wounds that I don't know how to deal with. Now granted they aren't the large gaping wounds that they once were, but they still ache. It's like the bad knee that aches when the weather is changing. It's no longer a sharp pain, but it's the dull ache that never goes away completely.
How amazing would it be to erase that whole experience? I wonder what kind of person I would be without it? I think I would be happier, less bitter, more trusting, I would be able to depend on people. As it is, I'm bitter, cynical, and I don't trust most of the people around me. He was someone who was supposed to care about me. It makes a person wonder if anyone is really who they say they are.
I started this blog in 2004 right after I had met this person and continued writing until shortly after everything ended. I don't think I realized at that point the affect those events would have on my life in years to come.
So I do believe with that being said that I would allow him and everything related to him be erased from my life. I wish my life were a movie. Besides, Kate Winslet is better looking than me.
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